An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.”
The husband texted back to her: “I’m in the toilet. Please advise.”
A story was told of David, a young professional. He had just started his career and was earning a monthly income of $2,000.
One day he approached his pastor saying, “Pastor, can I pray to God for my career advancement? For that, I promise to pay my 10% tithe with faith, willingly and cheerfully.” “You can”, answered the pastor. David prayed.
In the first year, David diligently and joyfully paid his $200 monthly tithe. Five years passed, David was married with one child. He was now in a managerial role with a monthly income of $5,000. Although, David continued to contribute his rightful tithe to the church, he was beginning to give it grudgingly. With increased family commitment, David was thinking of reducing his $500 tithe.
David went to see his pastor again, “Pastor, my earthly commitment has increased. Is there a way I can ask God to reduce my tithe to Him?”
The pastor replied, “You prayed and a promise was made to God five years ago. God has answered your prayer. There is no way to break your promise made, unless…”
David was quick to ask, “Unless… what?”
“How about you praying to God again and this time asking Him to lower your income?” the pastor said.
Teacher: This essay on your dog is, word for word, the same as your brother’s.
Student: Yes, teacher, it is the same dog.
Teacher: I would like each one of you to write the longest sentence you could compose.
A bright student wrote: Life Imprisonment!
Student: Eight copycats sat in a boat. One jumped out. How many were left?
Student: Zero. All were copycats.
Student: Teacher, what begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?
Student: A teapot.
Student: Teacher, why is number six afraid?
Student: Seven eight nine.
Teacher: (still) ??
Student: Because “Seven ate Nine”.
Student: Which two days of the week start with the letter T?
Teacher: Tuesday and Thursday.
Student: Wrong, it is today and tomorrow.
Teacher: What is a minimum?
Student: A very small mother (mini-mum).
Student: What do you call a dear with no eye?
Teacher: No idea.
Student: Teacher, you so clever. How come you know it is “No Eye Dear”?
Teacher: Because I am your teacher.
Student: Then what do you call a dear without an “ear”?
Teacher: No Ear Dear.
Student: Wrong, it is D.
Teacher: Why are you doing your mathematics multiplication on the floor?
Student: You told me to do it without using tables.
Teacher: How you do you spell crocodile?
Teacher: No, that is wrong.
Student: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Student: Yesterday you said it is H to O.
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Student: A teacher.
Teacher: Give me a sentence starting with ‘I’.
Student: I is…
Teacher: No… always say, ‘I am…’.
Student: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet’.
I do not claim ownership to these humors. I received them from emails. I am sharing them hoping to bring joy and laughter to you – as “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” – Proverb 17:22.
A 6 years old Chinese boy in my tour group asked the tour guide today, “What is the colour of Spiderman?”
The tour guide replied, “That’s an easy question. The colours are blue, red and black.”
The boy shooked his head and said, “Wrong, it’s white because Spiderman 是白的 man!”
— For those who do not know Chinese: ‘是白的’ pronounced as ‘shi bai de’ which means ‘is white’. Spiderman sounds like ‘Shi Bai De Man’ in Chinese.