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Humor: An Elderly Couple Just Learnt To Send Text Messages

An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:

“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.”

The husband texted back to her: “I’m in the toilet. Please advise.”

一对老夫妇刚刚学会了如何在手机上发送短信。妻子是个浪漫的类型和丈夫是个简单,不废话的男人。

一天下午,妻子出去迎接朋友喝茶。她决定送她的丈夫一个浪漫的短信,她写道:

 “如果你在睡觉,给我你的梦想。

如果你正在笑,给我你的笑容。

如果你在吃,给我一口。

如果你在喝,给我喝了一口。

如果你在哭,给我你的眼泪。

我爱你。”

丈夫回复短信给她:“我在厕所里。请指教。”

🙂

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Lower Your Income, Pay Less Tithe

A story was told of David, a young professional. He had just started his career and was earning a monthly income of $2,000.

One day he approached his pastor saying, “Pastor, can I pray to God for my career advancement? For that, I promise to pay my 10% tithe with faith, willingly and cheerfully.” “You can”, answered the pastor. David prayed.

In the first year, David diligently and joyfully paid his $200 monthly tithe. Five years passed, David was married with one child. He was now in a managerial role with a monthly income of $5,000. Although, David continued to contribute his rightful tithe to the church, he was beginning to give it grudgingly. With increased family commitment, David was thinking of reducing his $500 tithe.

David went to see his pastor again, “Pastor, my earthly commitment has increased. Is there a way I can ask God to reduce my tithe to Him?”

The pastor replied, “You prayed and a promise was made to God five years ago. God has answered your prayer. There is no way to break your promise made, unless…”

David was quick to ask, “Unless… what?”

“How about you praying to God again and this time asking Him to lower your income?” the pastor said.

Aside

Humor: Teacher and Student

Teacher: This essay on your dog is, word for word, the same as your brother’s.

Student: Yes, teacher, it is the same dog.

Teacher: I would like each one of you to write the longest sentence you could compose.

A bright student wrote: Life Imprisonment!

Student: Eight copycats sat in a boat. One jumped out. How many were left?

Teacher: 7

Student: Zero. All were copycats.

Student: Teacher, what begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?

Teacher: ??

Student: A teapot.

Student: Teacher, why is number six afraid?

Teacher: ??

Student: Seven eight nine.

Teacher: (still) ??

Student: Because “Seven ate Nine”.

Student: Which two days of the week start with the letter T?

Teacher: Tuesday and Thursday.

Student: Wrong, it is today and tomorrow.

Teacher: What is a minimum?

Student: A very small mother (mini-mum).

Student: What do you call a dear with no eye?

Teacher: No idea.

Student: Teacher, you so clever. How come you know it is “No Eye Dear”?

Teacher: Because I am your teacher.

Student: Then what do you call a dear without an “ear”?

Teacher: No Ear Dear.

Student: Wrong, it is D.

Teacher: Why are you doing your mathematics multiplication on the floor?

Student: You told me to do it without using tables.

Teacher: How you do you spell crocodile?

Student: KRO-KO-DIAL.

Teacher: No, that is wrong.

Student: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?

Student: HIJKLMO.

Teacher: What are you talking about?

Student: Yesterday you said it is H to O.

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

Student: A teacher.

Teacher: Give me a sentence starting with ‘I’.

Student: I is…

Teacher: No… always say, ‘I am…’.

Student: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet’.

Author’s Notes:

I do not claim ownership to these humors. I received them from emails. I am sharing them hoping to bring joy and laughter to you – as “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” – Proverb 17:22.

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骑马半小时

一个团友晚饭后问导游,“从这里到达酒店需要多长时间?”

导游回答说,“骑马半小时。”

旅游巴士花了10分钟到达酒店。

团友再问导游:“我还以为你说一个半小时。”

导游笑着回答说,“我说骑马半小时。你骑着马吗?”

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What Is The Colour Of Spiderman?

A 6 years old Chinese boy in my tour group asked the tour guide today, “What is the colour of Spiderman?”

The tour guide replied, “That’s an easy question. The colours are blue, red and black.”

The boy shooked his head and said, “Wrong, it’s white because Spiderman 是白的 man!”

— For those who do not know Chinese: ‘是白的’ pronounced as ‘shi bai de’ which means ‘is white’. Spiderman sounds like ‘Shi Bai De Man’ in Chinese.